Court

I do not have a lot of experience going to court.  Law and Order portrays a much condensed version of the actual proceedings.  What happens in an hour, takes months and months in actuality.  There were several court dates before the one where we first attended on February 18, 2010.  The following were present: a defense attorney with a flamboyant tie, a defendant paddling along with his feet in his wheel chair, his family, court officers, random people in the gallery, the court stenographer, our family, the district attorney and a very serious judge.  I was happy to see that he was serious, after all what could be more serious than the murder of my 19 year old innocent son?  Because he was the victim of a crime, an autopsy of Matt was required.  Of course, I had to read the autopsy.  Some will feel that is crazy, but I had to know how my baby died.  It was not enough to tell me that he was struck by an 800lb Harley-Davidson motorcycle, piloted by a 250lb man, going 80-100 mph.  I wanted to know so much about his last minutes, seconds, and I will never know clearly whether he saw James Ryan thundering down on him, whether or not he felt terror, even for a second.  Matt was such a beautiful spirit that it is almost impossible to bear that he may have seen his murderer.  Death, be not proud.  You did nothing wonderful on July 20, 2009. 
And the court process is slow.  Each month there is a court date and we inch along on the wheel of progress.  Swift and speedy justice is nothing like the old West.

I think about the possibility of forgiving a sub-par human, but I am not strong enough for that.  This was not the miscalculation of a kid.  This was the reckless behavior of an adult, who it appears has always done whatever he likes.  What the underlying cause might be, I cannot say.  The result is Matt's ribs were broken, his lungs filled with blood from his heart, his liver lacerated, scrapes and cuts-he could not survive the blow.  The violent contrast of the picture in my head of the accident scene, the chaos of EMS workers, onlookers, good Samaritans and a helicopter with a last ride for my son in the air, with the orderly way the aftermath is-Court.  There are rules and etiquete that must be followed and everyone seems to know that we have to be respctful of the process.  I wish some could have been respectful of life, my son's life and all who were on the Parkway and Bike Path that day.